How do you teach people that some reasons are better than others? How do you get students to realize that their actual opinion is less important than their ability to represent the resolution for their team? I tried with "women should quit their jobs after they get married," because I knew it would get a reaction. It did. But I could not get them down from the reaction to try and argue the affirmative case. The girls flatly refused. I said, girls, come on!! You know I don't believe this but it's the job of the affirmative case to PROVE the resolution. Ay, yay, yay. There was certainly a lot of shouting in the classroom today. Security looked in several times. They probably thought I was strangling someone.

My afternoon was filled with helping students fill out their college applications. For some, it was the first time they had ever addressed an envelope (they have to hand their teachers rec letters and envelopes). The online generation. Wow. It amazes me how daunting this process appears to be for them. On the other hand, I edited one student's personal statement and it was so good that I had tears in my eyes thinking of her in college next year. This will all be worthwhile.

My late afternoon was spent grading these stories that kids wrote ina project where I collaborated with the science teachers. It was the life of a carbon compound and the kids had to have it cycle through millions of years into various states (as sugars or fossil fuels) until it winds up in their bodies at the end. Some of the stories were hilarious. My job was to help them make the stories creative by making the carbon into a character. Lots of the carbon particles sounded like pimps, others like bored and restless teenage carbons looking for love, a few were excited to get excreted from the butts of dinosaurs. Ah, teaching.

Oh I forgot. Security is likely to come for an inspection this week. These guys and gals are not the most educated bunch but for some reason it is part of the security check to read and review the bulletin boards. They are supposed to look for errors. So, none of the telephones work should we need to call for help. It takes about ten minutes to get out of the building during a fire drill, hmmmm bacon, we have no place to send students who are disruptive, but our bulletin boards will be squeaky clean. Years ago, I asked what the rationale was for the security inspectors evaluating bulletin boards and as I recall the response was that mistakes indicate a lack of motivation on the teacher's part and therefore, an increased likelihood of student disruption. I swear.

We received an email reminder that said "as always be sure to" and then listed all of the things that never happen at our school. Such as the deans patrolling the halls during all periods. This never happens. Ever. The only reason I can ever find a dean is because one of them keeps coffee in my room and so I have access. Otherwise, you are as likely to find a student who likes to read. A winning lottery ticket. A singing dinosaur.

Brainstorming the castle.
What comes to mind when you hear the words "water," "debate," and "document?" For my students, the responses included, "your balls in my mouth," "poop," "camel toe," and "turkey." Yes, indeed. Welcome back. It's always an exciting time when the students have been home and we have to remind them how we behave in school. There is always someone out to sabotage the lesson. Still, while playing musical brainstorm (they roam around to the hip hop beat adding thoughts to posters with the words on them)...I found myself laughing at the sexual obsessions of teenagers everywhere.
I scooped up a good note today revealing what is on the mind of many while I wax forth about the merits of the adverb. I'll copy its contents later in the week.
Knowing as I did, that today would be icky, I tried to plan a relatively unimportant lesson. All I wanted my students to be able to puke back by the end of the 46 minutes was what unit we'd be starting and what did they hope to get from it. I think I managed to pull that off. But these returns are so jolting. I've forgotten, ever so briefly, how to juggle forty requests. I've forgotten how to hear "I want your praise" when someone shrieks "I answered that question first mother fucker so shut the fuck up." Sigh.
When asking one student to throw out his gum, he shouted, "I'll swallow it. That's right miss, I swallow." Oh, the chuckles that ensued. Oh, how my sense of humor differs tremendously from theirs. Oh, how long the year can feel.

Thanksgiving was a momentous occasion at school. Our school's tradition is to have everyone bring in what they can and we host a feast in our advisories. There, we ask the students to say one thing that they are thankful for. It's one of those rare, meaningful days because inevitably a student says that even though most of the time she thinks that the teachers are "wack" and that the school is stupid, she doesn't mean to be so "mean to yas all the time and really you people are" her real family. There were multiple sets of liquid eyes. Seniors were coming around begging for letters of recommendation and it was exciting to think that maybe, just maybe a decent percentage of these "ghetto" children would not only break the cycle of poverty by being the first in their families to graduate fro high school, but also be the first to be admitted to college. Whether or not they are capable or able to withstand the full four years (or two for more technical programs) of college is anyone's guess. I don't think we can hold ourselves responsible for any of this. We can only cross our fingers and hope for the best. I had several students come to tell me that they missed my class and that they might not have told me at the time, but that in my class, they learned a lot, in fact, they learned how to think and to write. They miss my laughter and my sensitivity. Now, how's that for rewarding? My response of course (after regaining my composure) was to say, "but all you ever did was complain and tell me how boring and terrible I was?" To which one student replied, "I'm a teenager, Miss." Fair enough.

These rewarding moments seem to be timed so as to appear before vacations, as though to seduce us to return. Of course, the re-adjustment to work is always chaotic as the kids have lost their routines and seem to want to punish us for leaving them. Or perhaps we are out of touch with the level of stress that we've adjusted to most of the time. We've remembered our true selves, read a novel for fun, enjoyed the New York Times and the New Yorker magazine, maybe even gone to a movie or two. We're unprepared for the swarming of complaints, the shower of nasty words, the filth of the dust, the invisibility of the ghetto is so quick to re-appear when you have no choice but to visit.
The love/hate balance is back in place I suppose.

Thanksgiving is around the corner and I need to stop and give thanks. It's two in the morning and I can't sleep. I am worrying about xeroxing a take-home AP exam practice for my AP students. I am worrying about finding the time between now and 8 am to buy 4 liters of soda and cups for the Pizza Party I am throwing the kids who did well in my Harbor Humanities class. I am worried about not having a hard enough Thanksgiving homework assignment even though no one ever completes what I do give them. I am worried about not having completed the meeting with my boss to address problems in our programs for the next semester. I am worried about the letters of recommendation that I have to get finished so kids can apply to the colleges of their choice. Did I remind people of the training I'd be out for the week we come back? I am thankful that I slept last night since tonight doesn't look so promising.

Movin' on up?
This week announces the big deal what we've all been waiting for news--we are out of Bushwick. ETA--2008. Optimistic hoorahs abound and cheery faces of former employees determined to make this their last year are reinvigorated and zealous in their beliefs that a new building in a new, theme-appropriate setting will serve as the deus-ex- machina to this Greek tragedy. Yours truly remains somewhat cynical and befuddled. Sure, I think the move will be a good one for the school. When the move actually happens is another story and having worked on minor home improvement projects I can say with a tad of authority that I find the move in date unrealistic at best. There are claims that the school construction department has already reviewed the building and given their priliminary cost estimates and made their best guess. True or false, the bureaucracy that is the Department has little of my faith and none of my trust.
Next, comes the question-- will we continue to serve the Bushwick community when we are no longer in Bushwick? Should we? The public word is yes, of course, we are devoted, dedicated and loyal to the community that we've served for the past four years, but again, I reserve the right to see. The students are either excited to move or refusing to go and parents are concerned about safety in the new location as well as the fears about transportation.
The best news so far that I've heard is that as our new location is somewhat challenging to traverse, our new start time will be 9:30 am, ahh morning jogs.
While it cheers me to see my fellow worker bees so delighted with the prospects of working toilets and proper lighting, I remain puckered, too tightly wound, and frazzled. It's hard to pinpoint why this is exactly, perhaps I am no longer a believer and this is the ultimate clunk over the head for me that I must move on. Not that I should but that I must.
Perhaps my indifference suggests that while the school is finally growing into its mission, I become less and less alligned with its goals. The theme doesn't seem to fit with my talents suggesting I'd serve better elsewhere. This new plan (in the making) to become a technical school (that still pushes higher education) strikes me as inane and I want nothing to do with it. I despise the idea of teaching an English class based on reading how- to manuals for electric drills and power saws. Nope, it's time for this spotted apple to find a new orchard. Know any farmers?

My co-worker is reading catch-22 and says she is reminded of life at school. Sure, you can have a desk. There is one in room 226 that is not in use. But you need the key to room 226 to get the desk and that person is not here. No, I haven't seen that person in weeks actually. But if you see her, get the key and you can have the desk you need.
This is in fact a real situation. It's a lot like trying to order bookshelves. Sure, we can have them but only if we go to IKEA ourselves to get them. And no one will provide us with a van or transportation but we are welcome to go whenever we like.
Oh yeah, and we already spent the english department budget money before we were told what our budget amounted to. Then again, I got paid to cover a class today but the entire class cut. They never even walked in the hallway. It was as if they knew I would smell them out qne make them come in and work.
Last night, we stayed until about 7 re-arranging the room to try and avoid fatalaties. When we tried to warn our bosses that someone might die because each day the bookshelves were tipping and almost falling over I believe the response was something like "What do you want me to do about it?" Granted, our poor bosses have way too many fish to fry and I do realize that their jobs are as chaotic and surreal as ours but this is a sincere safety concern and we really need some help stabalizing or replacing these teetering deathtraps. If a child dies, we will be blamed and fired undoubtedly. Anyway, there we were using a broom to try and hang posters from just below the ceiling because there was no ladder and if we asked for one we'd never get one. So we stood on a shaky table and prayed that it wouldn't collapse as we attempted to post evergreen reminders to our students about what a verb is and how to write a summary and so on. My collegue appropriated a desk from another floor and worked in earnest with two other students to work a miracle in the room and it does look so much better. It certainly lifted my spirits today. One student even noticed.
Students stayed after school to get caught up today and a few helped me with odds and ends, did some grading for me and I left at about 5 again. These are long days for someone who gets up at 6 and leaves the house before 7.
The only way I can manage to teach my kids about subjects and verbs is to try a sentence involving some devious behavior. Oh well, whatever works. Thank God it's Friday tomorrow because the spotted apple is going to Los Angeles. A sunny goodbye for the weekend.

Today a student was more upset about getting his shoes dirty than he was excited about an opportunity to participate in team building activities in the park. Later, he lost his earring and told me if the principal didn't buy him a new one, he would "kill his family." The kid is such an angry mess. The weirdest part is that he is an angry drama queen. I am not sure that he is out yet to himself, but it is the oddest, stereotype destroying vision to see this effeminate boy who is obsessed with clothing but the clothing is the whole baggy pants, jordans, and fake diamond earring look that is ghetto fashion.

My classroom was a million degrees today. It was impossible to get adults to function let alone teenagers. Most of the kids in my room had their heads down on the desks after about ten minutes of class. I was trying to introduce the concept of a literary analysis essay which is a pretty tough concept for these guys. But I didn't have a fighting chance. Is it too much to ask for the most basic of climate control?

On the other hand, I did learn a great new phrase. "when you look in the mirror as you get dressed, do you get jigged?" Apparently it means excited that you look good. Hmm.

My AP class is a joke. But it's not a funny one. I shouldn't have to stop all work so that they get their personal statements for college done now should I? Did MY AP teacher do that for me? Hell no, I had college applications due on top of all the regular school work that was a typical part of a high school education. Around here, we're supposed to jump for joy if a child turns in an assignment consisting of a paragraph. Of the originial 25 kids, my AP class now consists of 8 students. The rest dropped out. I've barely required work. We've read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Pride and Prejudice, and we are now starting Hamlet. This, I think, would be a NORMAL reading pace for a non-inner city school. But of course, that is not what it is. These kids are used to four books a year, never taking any reading home, never doing homework and getting A's if they write so much as a paragraph. I am asking for five page double spaced times new roman 12 point papers. But I've only asked for two of them. And I've stopped asking anyway because I realize that at the end of the day, I care more that they get into college. But will they be able to handle it? It is going to be such a major adjustment for these guys. They are tough though and they are motivated. Which is why I am doing ten lessons on how to write a kickin' personal draft and workshopping the entire classes first drafts. Most applications are due Dec 2, so we'll get serious after that. I hope. They still have weekly vocab quizzes so that's something isn't it? Did I mention that their P&P rough drafts were due last Wednesday and I got 4 out of 8 and two totally incompletes? This would not work in college unless the course was taught by a sucker TA with a penchant for extention granting. I didn't put up with any of that shit when I taught at Boricua and that was community college. Maybe I should get my PHD so I can be treated better.

The WHY ask why edition of the spotted apple

Last week, I worked from 8 am until 4 pm without a single break except to down an apple while gathering a train pass. I did this Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wednesday, I had to scramble together an agenda for a department meeting. The whole department meeting calendar is completely out of wack now that people have actually had the courage to say that it is not fair that we have six thousand meetings that go way beyond the scope of the teaching contract that we are supposed to follow. Not that any of those days where I taught all periods in a row count as legal either. After preparing for my teaching blocks, I spent all the afternoons running "team building" courses in the park. Woah. I came home with feet so heavy I had to hire movers to carry me inside.
I have to GET OUT... I must get my resume updated and start spreading the word. word. If I don't, I'll be right back next year and no sir ee bob. I can't handle another year of the sheer and total chaos that is our school.

Why, for example, is it that our boss demands meetings, insists on the importance of them, as well as professional development, and then, when the contract actually designates a day for these events, he chooses to have the staff play a game of water polo? How about using that entire day for PD? Lots of departments are going out for pd from other places, which in my mind, is REAL pd. The English department is getting training on a specific methodology to teach writing a paragraph for example. A perfectly decent use of time. No need to play games. Offer game time to people who want to hang around after hours. Not me in other words.

And why, why why why, is there a meeting tomorrow when there is no real plan for what to have a meeting about? In fact, I got an email tonight telling me that I was presenting at the meeting tomorrow. Not possible as I will not even be in the building because I am finishing the "team building' and putting in yet another all day of teaching without a break to catch my breath with.

Finally, why is it, please, that the copy machine NEVER works in the morning and my classes start at 8? WHY?