And yet..

It's a new school year. It's a new school. It's a new day and I'm feeeeling good. No, scratch that. I'm not. I can't manage to get keys to any room where I need to work or teach. Even my attempt to get them copied at the local hardware store ended in failure as they don't work. The custodian made some promises. I walk around begging to borrow scissors. Staplers. Keys. I've spent $250 on supplies. I do something and it gets undone an hour later. And yet...
I already love my students. The sassy ones who can't keep their mouths shut, the smarty pants ones who think they already know it all, the ones who are so distracted by their hormones that they aren't even sure what classroom they are in, and sadly, the drug-dependent ones who have made some pretty bad choices and might be lost to the power of the Lotus.
The staff love to gossip and judge. I can't stand any of that nonsense. I keep to the ones who focus on instruction and walk away when the whispered tones begin. Of course, setting up the Teacher Resource Room does make gossip avoidance somewhat impossible. Nothing goes as planned. Nothing goes as hoped. Some days nothing goes at all. And yet...
There is music. There is laughter. There are hidden treasures. The librarian is the hardest working person on staff. There are CRAZY race issues. There is hostility. Some people seem to be waiting to take a match to the place and watch it all burn away. There are a few people who have screws loose. There is a lady who eats from the garbage every day. I can't tell if it is because she is mentally ill or because she is broke or both. I have tried to speak to her but she does not respond clearly. She is a novel. There is a man who prints out hundreds of pages of real estate listings every single day. I have no idea what he is supposed to be doing. There are people who lock the doors to their offices and do absolutely nothing. There are people who scramble around all day trying to do everything. There is not much in between. There is a diva who thrives on his own melodrama. There is so much malnutrition and anger, and sadness. And yet..
Today we had an amazing conversation about the value of law and order. And the abuse of law and order. There was not much law and order in the discussion, but the substance was there. The seed was there. And yet..
It's taken me two weeks to put up bulletin boards and they are the worst bulletin boards I've ever put up. I feel that I have all these tentacles stretching out only to discover I am trapped in a net. I have a thousand half directives. I feel like a Cloze reading and I am not sure what to put in the blanks. And yet..
There is hope. Somehow at the end of the day, there is always just enough hope to bring me back for more.

The Book Room

Today, I went to overhaul the ELA book room. It was amazing. There were books that were many decades old. There were books that still had the plastic covers on them. There were books in foreign languages and books that smelled like sawdust. There was many a mouse pellet. It was like an ELA time capsule.

The goal of the overhaul is to get books to people to USE. To get books into the hands of teachers and kids. To make room for new books. To make room for the gradual shift that needs to happen to accommodate Common Core, new teachers, change, transitioning to a new Principal with a vision, to increase the pass rate, to evolve or die. The goal is far from accomplished.  But the amazement lingers hours later.

What I saw was that many years ago, from what I could tell, twenty-five years ago, students were reading The Count of Monte Cristo, and A Tale of Two Cities, and a decade ago students were reading Walter Dean Meyers, Monster. And today, students (at least in our school) are struggling to read AT ALL. I feel judgmental about this observation.. And  I have so many questions. Why? Let me say this. I LIKE Monster. I think the screenplay device is clever and works well as a tool at looking at the craft of constructing a novel. It's high interest. However, it is low, low level reading. Yes, perhaps the older books I found belonged to a highly advanced group of seniors in a special class. Or not. What accounts for what APPEARS to be a shift in reading ability among high school students? Screens? Smartphones? Increased malnutrition? The cycle of poverty is not new to this population. Is it worse? Is reading changing in such a way that novels are becoming obsolete or unnecessary? Do we get our sense of story elsewhere now? Is figurative language and metaphor no longer of use?::reaches for tissues::: <== is THAT what we have instead? Should we lament this change if it's real?

Some of the classics are still there. The Crucible. Romeo and Juliet. And I am not saying that one must teach the classics. I've heard an amazing argument from an incredibly wise Principal on why Shakespeare is perhaps not the best choice of literature for a curriculum these days. As much as this argument causes me great physical discomfort, (smirk), I have to admit it has *some* merit. (But DAMN IT, if done right Shakespeare is the ultimate guide to the wow of figurative language-- if you don't believe me, try Jonathan Lithgow's recent amazing words on playing King Lear in New York this summer). But I do think kids need to be exposed to AMAZING writing even if it is not so easy to get. They need to see the pay-off that comes with a crazy symbol (say,Marquez), a non-linear structure, multiple pov's, and they need to read about experiences that are vastly different from their own. Yes, you have to start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). Students need to learn the "classic story structure," so they can appreciate deviations. But they need exposure to some of the weird, good stuff. And some of the weird OLD stuff. There were sixteen copies of "The Metamorphosis."  Or. Maybe. They. Don't. But they DO need to raise their reading levels in order to pass these crazy tests. They DO need to raise their reading levels in order to understand their smartphone bills (WOW are those bills complex). And somehow we need to help them to do this.

The Instructional Guides were also a mirror into the ups and downs and ins and outs of Educational Reforms. There were tons of manuals on the 90 minute block --the readers and writers workshops that are now starting to go out of fashion. There were clear attempts at Humanities as interpreted to mean--read a lot of fiction/historical fiction and poetry related to historical events. There were books insisting on the use of phonetics and direct grammatical instruction for struggling readers. There were books insisting on NOT using phonetics and direct grammatical instruction for struggling readers. There were guides to using audio guides. Some kinds of "behavioral field guides," likened to searching for an exotic bird. If the child behaves this way, turn to page six, if the child also exhibits this behavior, turn to page forty-four. I might be projecting, but it did seem to me that the more recent the manual, the more likely to have a tone that insinuated the lack of common sense on the part of the teacher--the books felt more "micro-managed' and less accepting of the tangent, the teachable moment, the creative journey that can and does happen when allowed. Some of the skills remained clear. Writing requires revision. Aim for simple sentences.  The Elements of Style NEVER goes out of style (and wow the Maira Kalman illustrated edition is too awesome).

There was a single, torn copy of a book whose title could not be deciphered. When I opened it, all I could make out were the words, "keep reading, if you dare." Well said, mysterious mystery author, well said.

The Stacked Deck

Summer School ended for me today. The kids still have a week of testing and credits earned or not. It was a very bittersweet experience. I shook each child's hand, and in some cases was granted giant hugs with the promise of changes in behavior, renewed dedication to self-improvement and all the rest of it.  I don't think I served these kids well. I tried. But when it came time to grade fairly and accurately, based on skills acquired, it wasn't pretty. The kid who showed up every day but refused to do a lick of work? When I sat with him and he read, I could see that he COULD read, but he could not digest what he read. He needed simpler versions of the information, but what he really needed was one:to:one help with analyzing and synthesizing what he'd just read. I could not do that with so many others needing different kinds of help. The girl who couldn't read was easier, I could break down the text for her, teach her vocabulary using easier language and we could summarize. The girl who hated writing? I encouraged her to take baby steps, that's the best I could do. She took a few. The girl who got arrested for shoplifting? I encouraged her (when I ran into her on the train) to come back. That was the best I could hope for. She came for one day and vanished. The girl who is deciding to give up on school and hang out with her friends instead? She passed. But barely. 

I succeeded  in the sense that I let them know that I care about them, that I am listening to them, that I respect them, and that I find them interesting and worthwhile. Yes, there I served them. I listened, we laughed, I waxed poetic or perhaps graphic is a better word choice, on their choices. The boy who won't eat breakfast and is dizzy. The girl who eats donuts and Red Bull chased with Sour Patch Kids. The morning Coke drinkers. I tried. I explained to them that simple choices, eggs, beans, yogurt, even smoothies with protein wouldn't cost them more and would make them feel so  much better. Yes, I was and am a broken record here.

It amazes me how in such little time, with such little effort, these kids reveal themselves to be good, kind, and how truly they want to succeed but the deck is stacked. It's so stacked. Later, a fellow teacher and I had a therapeutic de-brief on the need for a dean, the need for some limited, agreed upon rules by which to live with in the school community. Yes, they need to feel empowered and that the school is theirs. But, not at the expense of learning. It IS shocking to watch kids assume it is their right to charge their phones, Facetime, text, and play games during class. It was very hard to believe. This fellow teacher and I both felt that as outsiders we should not rock the boat, but we also felt stunned that there was no one around to enforce a basic, and pretty understood city rule. We felt saddened by the sense of entitlement and more importantly the PRICE of this entitlement. The number of minutes spent this summer asking kids, daring kids, shocking kids into understanding that I WOULD NOT let them use their electronic devices in my classroom and I didn't care if Ms. or Mr. So-in-So did, was...hard to quantify. 

These kids have to see that believing in themselves, and investing in their education is worthwhile. It's a hard sell when it isn't clear,the results aren't visible and it's coming from a face that doesn't look like theirs. There are plenty of brown and black skinned folks including the head of the school delivering the same message though. So, why, why is it not penetrating here the way it has in other places I've worked? Lack of unity. Mixed messages, unclear direction, I go back to that stacked deck. When you have a stacked deck do you play your best anyway or do you fold?

Taking the Bully By The Horns

A student came to me today trying to avoid getting into a fight. Well, I'm not sure she "came to me." I happened to be sitting in the administrative area on the second floor which happened to be outside of her gym class. She popped her head in and said that the same girl she fought with last week, was still trying to fight her again today. When I asked her why, she shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know miss, I guess she thought she didn't win." I wanted to laugh. A little. I said, "you mean she still thinks she has something to prove?" She shook her head. Affirmative. What ensued next was a bizarre course of events. I sent an email to the man who serves as the Dean but he was not around until the afternoon so that went..nowhere. She said she wanted to call her father and that led to this lovely dialogue when he requested that I get on the phone.
"Look, I'm about to come up there and go wild on that school. You mean to tell me there is no one at that school who can take care of this? Why is that girl trying to beat up on my little girl? Why is she IN that school? She should not be there. My girl is trying to do the right thing by going to summer school and y'all don't even have anyone there who can protect her? Ain't no security up in there?" I tried to explain that I didn't know the other girl's point of view. I tried to explain that I was pretty new to the school and that the best thing I knew how to do was to keep his daughter with me until someone who knew what was happening could deal with it. But the man, this father, was so frustrated and I was a lovely pin cushion. I gave him the main school number. Must have worked because one of the AP's came later and I know that at the end of the day, the girl was escorted home by an adult. I also happened to see "the other little girl," waiting for her outside of the school on her cell phone.
When I hear bullying, or cyber-bullying, I don't think about these sort of situations. I think about hurt feelings, or scared, wounded egos, but I don't think about physical--fight-or--flight type fears. Yet, that is what is happening. That is part of a real attendance problem and not just at this school. The kids need help learning mediation but they also need to attend a school where safety issues can be handled safely and smoothly. This is not the case in most under-resourced, under-staffed schools. The kids are scared. It's hard to see it on the surface with the maddening levels of bravado. These guys are so puffed up, they make a French chef's souffle look saggy and tired. Hard to remember that it really is just bravado. Underneath there is fear. Underneath there is insecurity, hormones, the desire to learn and grow and even some pride and accountability (it's just so buried that it can be demoralizing and very hard to find at the end of a super long day of negativity and at least on the surface, hopelessness). And, yeah, I'll admit it--I think of the term as a white kid's problem. But. It. Isn't. So, what can schools do about this? What can under-staffed, under-funded, over-taxed schools do? Offer mediation. Yes. I've seen some pretty decent programs, with not-so-huge an overhead cost or drain on the budget because eventually you get peer-to-peer mediation. Parent education. Yes, I guess, except that from what I've seen, the apples aren't falling far from the trees. The parent today practically threatened me and I was protecting his kid.  But, yeah, I suppose it can't hurt to remind parents that all of these stories have two sides. Most of the time the bark is bigger than the bite. How many metaphors can I mix in here? But there's a larger cultural issue at play too. Is there? I think there is.
Is the right way to settle a disagreement to punch someone in the face? Or to try and talk it out. Our country, heck, the world doesn't seem to know the answer. The diplomats continue to try to negotiate peace while the armies on all sides drone the heck out of civilians. Schools are just microcosms of the macro. The stakes are so low, what else is there to fight for? Many of their parents are out of work, the graduation rate is less than 40% (yikes)! They forecast a future that mostly includes death before 21 or pregnancy or diabetes or a horrible combination of these factors. By 9 am these kids have had red bull, lattes, donuts, chips and a bagel and cream cheese for good measure. Who wouldn't want to fight? (Don't get me started on urban malnutrition, I throw up a little every morning watching them eat). True story. So, what CAN we do? What ARE we doing? What would YOU do?

There's no Standard in Standard

I'm on week two at my new gig, Marta Valle High School on the Lower East Side. Already, I'm amazed, as I am every single time I spend time in any school of how each school is an island. An island on an island. I've toured so many schools. I've seem so many incredible practices and great ideas. Yet, each school seems to be re-inventing the wheel over and over again. These are smart people. I get it. Each school is unique, each population has its own eccentricities and  yes, you need to make adjustments. I'm determined to create a network of networks. Get people sharing with each other. Think about how much more we could get done if we didn't have to start from scratch each time a new directive hits us? The other thing that I find incredibly weird and destructive is when you run into people who don't share the open source philosophy on lesson plans. I will never understand how anyone benefits by not sharing what they have. I upload just about everything I can find the time to share on my website and I'd never think twice about that. The goal is to have MORE time to do better stuff. To tinker, tailor, tweak not to hoard, hide and hinder. Someone play devils' advocate, please! What do you gain from keeping your lessons hidden in a file? Am I missing something? Is someone going to come along and pay me thousands of dollars for my brilliant SWBATS?

This was the banner decorating the front of a friend's school. Yup. It's bad enough that it is in Comic Sans, but the grammatical error was not in jest. Look, I appreciate Teacher Appreciation Week.
It's a thankless job (in some ways) and it is a wonderful feeling to take a breath, step-back and remember that this stuff matters. But sometimes I think the week and the ways that the schools go about "rewarding" professionals misses the point. Appreciate a teacher--give them four amazing workshops to sign-up for, write a letter of commendation and stick it in their file, set-up a networking opportunity for teachers to meet teachers in other schools or in other networks, and yeah toss in a breakfast and a coffee gift certificate :-). I sound like I'm complaining. It's a great week. Truly. At my daughter's school it was like a well-oiled machine. Catered brunches, and meaningful notes, thoughtful gifts, and good spirit all-around. I just want the profession elevated and the respect to go with all the good will and the thoughtful nod to a really, really important job.

How hard is it to play a drug user? Ok, fine a Lotus-eater. But, really in my show, it all amounts to the same thing. But you should see these guys. They are so low energy, which, ok, it might be accurate, but it makes for some pretty bad drama. Not that I would really know, as I have YET to have a rehearsal where the ENTIRE cast is in school. Not possible, I've decided. In fact, most days, I can't even manage to get all of the cast members for a single scene. Ah, the joys of high school drama. Especially in a school where attendance is such a problem. So and so is sick or is dropping out or has a cousin who needed something or a parent who wanted something else or, sigh. There are about 15 rehearsals left and I have yet to see one of the classes even make it through the end of the show. There might not BE an ending if these guys can't get it together. But they are not exactly the motivated ones. My second period class I'm pretty sure is actually made up of zombies. The children were eaten somewhere after December. I wonder, when exactly do I make the decision to cut pieces out?